UBB.threads PHP Forum Software Community Forums Resources and Customizing Admin Zone Moderating Question: Female on a Male site

Thought I'd throw this out there to see how you guys would handle this. I have a upstanding, longtime female member on a predominantly male forum. Occasionally, she gets a little sensitive about replies on threads she has posted on. They are not over the top criticisms, maybe just slight jibs, subtle criticisms or typical ball breaking.

She's come directly to me via PM on certain instances. Below is an example.

How would you guys respond?
a. Say not everyone will get along. Just deal with it.
b. Recommend she PM the offending people and try to come to some resolution amongst themselves.
c. Just politely play the role of listener and say let me know if becomes more of a problem
d. other?

Not knowing any of the participants, I would guess "C" would be your best answer - she states she's just venting - thank her for everything she does on the site and if she needs to vent just vent away

Marriage Counseling 101 - usually women just want you to listen, not fix.

I agree -- especially not knowing the complete context.

But from experience, knowing (assuming) the complete context... it could be a fruitless battle. But even then, C is probably still the right approach. But I have, over time, used all those approaches...my bb guidelines stipulate that one should ignore those they don't particularly agree with if that causes them problems... so... yeah....

D.

Personally, if I am the administrator / owner of a forum then the buck stops with me. It sounds like this member has been around for a long time and is turning to you for help, not just winging. How long has the other member involved been a part of the forums and what kind of contributions have they made.

I think that if a member goes out of their way to help someone and they are disrespected for that then the helper deserves the backing and support of the admin / moderators, not to be brushed off with a whimpy and patronising, "oh well never mind, ignore it and it will go away" attitude.

I would be very diplomatic about it and approach the person responsible with the view that you have read their comments and think that other members of your community might be offended, upset, insulted, etc. by them and to bear in mind that this is a public forum where everyone is accepted and no amount of bullying, intimidation, disparagement, etc. will be tolerated.

You can't just sit back and watch, it will spiral out of control. Act now, show them who's boss, but be fair not ruthless, and prevent any further escalations. Do this and your members will respect you. Leave it to play itself out and you'll be a loser in more ways than one.

I'd agree except that he said it isn't something spiraling out of control, "They are not over the top criticisms, maybe just slight jibs, subtle criticisms or typical ball breaking". This part is the most telling "I dont' want you to do anything, but I just wanted to vent I guess."

So, unless it's something I think is causing issues, I'd just listen to the person wanting to vent. Some people really are just extra sensitive. It also depends on the culture of the forum - I'd be less lenient on a forum about flowers and doilies.... then I'm all over "D" pretty quickly

*everything that Allen said* and truth be told sometimes get on people's nerves at different times of the month. I have groups that I have to ban every 6-8 weeks because for some strange reason they go CRAZY so I have their pattern down now and I just mod them differently during those periods.... they usually thank me after the fact.
But if she says that she doesn't want you to do anything and is just venting she guesses, she is looking for you to do C. Offer help if it does "go over the top" and let her know that you are watching the threads... Sometimes I have learned that it isn't what you actually do to moderate, it is the fact that you show a presence and legit concern for all the poster's content and that means more than you ever actually have to "do".

Yeah, I chalked this one up to letting her vent and the whole thing died down.

You're right Dunny. Here's a quote I live by when it comes to moderating forums and dealing with people: "The problem with crazy people is that they're not crazy all of the time."